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Ambiguous


Loving the song *heart*



let us all be happy on every little things.

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Easy On Me

Dah lama tak layan lagu-lagu sebenarnya. Layan lagu ni pun sebab Aina Abdul punya cover and this cover is currently on the loop. This song hits differently when I suddenly realized the meaning of the line "So go easy on me..." I was like straight away imagining the kids saying that line to me....and it feels so heartbreaking..and I feel so sorry and it made me tried harder to be better.. Honestly parenting is tough. Really really tough.. It's going one month more to full 4 years now where I became a single parent to 2 of my sister's kids. Life and things happened to my sister so I step myself in to take care of her kids. I thought then that it was an easy thing for me to do that, but no! Oh God no!! Ya Allah how wrong I was!! My first 2 years in was the hardest and I struggled with the sudden changes I have to made. The 180 adjustment (in every directions) I had to take kinda messed me up a little bit (emotionally and physically).   But I learned  All sorts of things.

A dump post

Rabu dah kejap je minggu ni dah tak ada dah emosional bagai. Alhamdulillah. Sampai tengok cerita Hotel Del Luna part sedih pon, bergenang pon tidak  Part scene sedih tu boleh tak terheran kejap. Cam, kenapa tak meleleh ni? sebab selalunya kalau tengok drama memang senang sangat air hujan turun. Yang aku perasan, diri ni tak boleh terlalu dry sangat emosi tu. Sebab dia bukan betul-betul tak peduli, tapi emosi tu akan build up dan bila dah sampai threshold dia.....mula la break down. Bahaya anyway Many things happened within this little time from the last post. Might be mundane things for others, but not so for me. On Sunday, I accompanied mak to her acquaintance cafe. we had a lovely breakfast together. An english style breakfast.....which is not to my liking and I kept on thinking I want Nasi Lemak! (which they have actually).  and somewhere along our conversations mak touched on when she's 'gone' thingy...I was extremely saddened by that. Like really really sad

Trying is all I can do

This week is an emotional wreck kinda week. Starting from Sunday evening all the way through the week, it's one rocky roller coaster ride. Rasanya hampir semua emosi yang exist this whole universe hadir dalam minggu ni.  Please no more.. Waktu siang tak  terasa sangat sebab serious busy, so otak tak pikir apa. Tapi bila time masa senggang.....Too much feels..too much thoughts... Minggu ni saja First time tidur sambil berendam air mata.  First time menangis sampai mata sembab macam kena tumbuk, dan first time tak dapat tidur sebab menangis. Tapi apa yang aku dapat minggu ni?  It's okay to cry So that I could function well the next day It's okay to feel so much So that I could get closure that I never knew I need And try to move on And to rely to others And to hold on tight on Allah to protect you and your family May next week be better much much much than this week. InsyaAllah.