Sunday, September 17, 2017

Ambiguous


Loving the song *heart*



let us all be happy on every little things.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

The Big C

It's really have been awhile since I even visited my own blog...

Things happened. Life Happened. And my words disappeared. Then busy-ness came. Makes me one lazy human being to write stuffs anymore. Hence the posts stop.

But...life happened again. And this time, I have to write it down so that the feelings will be remembered and not forgotten.

So, a week after Eid-ul-fitr, I accompanied my mom to visit KPJ Hospital for a check-up. My mom has been asking me somewhere during the Final week of Ramadhan, but I asked her if we could go after Eid during  the holiday. The check up is for her breast as she said that she felt achy-like feeling the way girls had when we are PMS-ing. That throb-ache on the breast feeling. Thing is, her menstrual has long ago stopped so it doesn't makes any sense for the pain she's having.

Hence, the visit.

Thinking back, the morning on our way to KPJ, my mom must have been feeling so anxious. But me on the other hand was really having positive thoughts. I was like, nothing serious will come out of this test and the check up will show that it's all fine. Truly. I literally thinking of that while driving and I still remember the exact location when I was having that thought. On the road in front of Econsave just after the Seksyen 4's traffic light.

Anyway..upon arriving, we straight away went to the X-Ray Dept?Room?Office?. and registered my mom for the Mammogram Test.

After a short while, mom was called in for her check up while I wait in the waiting room. Playing with my phone without a single thought of something might've turned up. Somewhat 20-min later, the assistant called me and asked me to follow her into a room. And at that time I still have no worry thoughts. Just a tad bit puzzled.That's all.

Into a room I went and saw mom laying on a bed staring at the ceiling......while there are two monitors besides the bed.

And I asked her"macam mana mak?" (how was it?).
And she chocked-up..."Dr. ada nampak something" (they saw something)

And my brain frozed up. Or it might be my feelings that's freeze. I dunno. It's like I stand there at the end of the bed looking at my mom and the monitors back and forth....and feeling nothing.

At that time I didn't know that the mammogram test has been conducted where the Dr/Technician that administered the test found something. Hence the room that I've come inside was for an Ultrasound Test. I was, like I've said...kinda blanked out..No information what so ever registered in my brain at that moments...



After couple of minutes, the Dr/Technician that handled the test came inside and conducted the test. I watched the whole procedure and saw lumps/nodes(?) on the monitors. I could hear my mom chocked up while having conversations with the him. And I still remember standing so still chanting inside my head that it's all gonna be ok. Everything gonna be fine. I feel like I was outside my body looking at me, and looking at my mom, and looking at the Dr/Technician. Everything stop at that moment. Except the hand movement from the Dr conducting the test and his voice....

saying that it might be the big C...

The test ended.

Then we wait again at the waiting room where words barely been exchanged between us. ..and they called us again into the Dr/Technician's office. He advised mom to act quickly for the treatment and made an appointment for mom with a Doctor later on that afternoon.

Which I appreciate him for that.

But what I did not appreciate was while giving encouragement to my mom, he kinda made statements that this is the way that my mom would passed away. A couple of time mind you! not once!!  I was burning inside like DUDE! Cant you see her face? Why did you tell her that? There are so many people that fight and survived from this! so not professional at all!!

GRRRRR.....

I really really really want to smack him and tell him off . Seriously! Are you playing God now? Who are you to dictate how people gonna die? Vexed/Angry/Mad  is an understatement for what I've felt at that moment. I was literally so close on saying to him to shut the hell up!


Alright...enough for this post. Thinking back on that statements gotten my hackles up pretty badly. Gotta stop to cool down.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Testing

This *post* is for ,_testing_, out the apps I downloaded on my phone

The end

posted from Bloggeroid

Monday, August 15, 2016

sentimentol~~

Tau tak benda ape yang aku paling menyampah sekali nak buat?

editting barang-barang yang dah melimpah-ruah sampai taktau dah nak letak mana...

scary je rasa nak buang barang

Sunday, August 14, 2016

it's all coming back to me now~

these few days, I'm feeling really really weird...

it's like every bit of memories has came back to me...

and so does the emotions that those memories bring...