when hormone leads your action

worst day ever at my work place

i've came to work with superbly cloudily muddily mood with absolutely no freaking reason(am I the only person on this earth who have this kind of disease ?)

and that just the beginning

things keep on coming in and piling. F.A.S.T.

but work is work . Even without a smile carving my face

but somehow i brilliantly made a mistake(which i thought was cool but apparently not), and something big nearly happened because of it(which i have no freaking clue what! or did someone just make things small look big? I have no freaking idea)

So, I've been brainwashed. Maybe he didn't intend to do exactly that, but i did felt like it. And that's because he keeps on telling me the same thing and the same sentence like 100 times(felt like it tho), over and over again.

blame it to my hormone or whatever

because finally, I've snapped

...

lets just say I didn't handle it professionally

but what's done is done

decision has been made (and I am not regretting a bit!)

and I am soooooooooooooo freaking done with it!

PS:

I am so freaking respect to those who were having a hard time, with no mood and all, but can so freaking handle themselves professionally, calmly, and freaking have an excellent judgment

coz I know I dont

......

Comments

Easy On Me

Dah lama tak layan lagu-lagu sebenarnya. Layan lagu ni pun sebab Aina Abdul punya cover and this cover is currently on the loop. This song hits differently when I suddenly realized the meaning of the line "So go easy on me..." I was like straight away imagining the kids saying that line to me....and it feels so heartbreaking..and I feel so sorry and it made me tried harder to be better.. Honestly parenting is tough. Really really tough.. It's going one month more to full 4 years now where I became a single parent to 2 of my sister's kids. Life and things happened to my sister so I step myself in to take care of her kids. I thought then that it was an easy thing for me to do that, but no! Oh God no!! Ya Allah how wrong I was!! My first 2 years in was the hardest and I struggled with the sudden changes I have to made. The 180 adjustment (in every directions) I had to take kinda messed me up a little bit (emotionally and physically). But I learned All sorts of things.

A dump post

Rabu dah kejap je minggu ni dah tak ada dah emosional bagai. Alhamdulillah. Sampai tengok cerita Hotel Del Luna part sedih pon, bergenang pon tidak Part scene sedih tu boleh tak terheran kejap. Cam, kenapa tak meleleh ni? sebab selalunya kalau tengok drama memang senang sangat air hujan turun. Yang aku perasan, diri ni tak boleh terlalu dry sangat emosi tu. Sebab dia bukan betul-betul tak peduli, tapi emosi tu akan build up dan bila dah sampai threshold dia.....mula la break down. Bahaya anyway Many things happened within this little time from the last post. Might be mundane things for others, but not so for me. On Sunday, I accompanied mak to her acquaintance cafe. we had a lovely breakfast together. An english style breakfast.....which is not to my liking and I kept on thinking I want Nasi Lemak! (which they have actually). and somewhere along our conversations mak touched on when she's 'gone' thingy...I was extremely saddened by that. Like really really sad

Trying is all I can do

This week is an emotional wreck kinda week. Starting from Sunday evening all the way through the week, it's one rocky roller coaster ride. Rasanya hampir semua emosi yang exist this whole universe hadir dalam minggu ni. Please no more.. Waktu siang tak terasa sangat sebab serious busy, so otak tak pikir apa. Tapi bila time masa senggang.....Too much feels..too much thoughts... Minggu ni saja First time tidur sambil berendam air mata. First time menangis sampai mata sembab macam kena tumbuk, dan first time tak dapat tidur sebab menangis. Tapi apa yang aku dapat minggu ni? It's okay to cry So that I could function well the next day It's okay to feel so much So that I could get closure that I never knew I need And try to move on And to rely to others And to hold on tight on Allah to protect you and your family May next week be better much much much than this week. InsyaAllah.

Fr3aKy Lu||aby

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