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Easy On Me

Dah lama tak layan lagu-lagu sebenarnya. Layan lagu ni pun sebab Aina Abdul punya cover and this cover is currently on the loop.

This song hits differently when I suddenly realized the meaning of the line "So go easy on me..."

I was like straight away imagining the kids saying that line to me....and it feels so heartbreaking..and I feel so sorry and it made me tried harder to be better..

Honestly parenting is tough. Really really tough..

It's going one month more to full 4 years now where I became a single parent to 2 of my sister's kids. Life and things happened to my sister so I step myself in to take care of her kids. I thought then that it was an easy thing for me to do that, but no! Oh God no!! Ya Allah how wrong I was!! My first 2 years in was the hardest and I struggled with the sudden changes I have to made. The 180 adjustment (in every directions) I had to take kinda messed me up a little bit (emotionally and physically).  

But I learned 

All sorts of things. 

I learned the bad side of me that I never knew exist(a pill that's hard to swallow), 

I learned and fight and battled to overcome it. 

I still am learning what to say and what not to say and what to do and what not to do...

I guess that's what human do, We never stop learning..and you know what? learning is the easy part. The hardest part is implementing it!. I'll do to my best ability but I am after all just a human being. Sometimes..on those hard days, those battles of reasoning with the kids on the Whys and Don'ts really really really gets to me.... Sometimes the emotions gets to me that I locked myself inside the room and cry. Or cry when the night comes when the kids went to bed....and find reasoning to myself...

Parenting is hard...Alhamdulillah I still am trying..Hoping the best for the kids. Hoping they have the best on their childhood and hoping I didn't mess it up. Hoping that they are always happy. Praying that Allah protect them from all the bad things in this world. Praying that Allah gives them the best life in this world and the afterworld. 

You know what my daily mantra is..? Be kind. Be generous. And now I have another one, 'go easy on the kids'.  And may Allah help us to ease our journey. And may Allah grants us Jannah at the end of the road


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